The “Fake It Til You Make It” aka FITYMI Trap!

Fake it til you make it! Better known as FITYMI!

Sometimes it works and the majority of time, not so much.

How many times have you heard that great piece of strategic advice?  I have heard it a handful of times during my life journey and it always struck me as a high risk, rarely rewarded scenario.

Sir Richard Branson (founder of the Virgin Group, which controls more than 400 companies) thinks it’s a viable option. Just get in the door and figure things out as you get going! Fact is anytime a “Sir” says something, people tend to listen with a little more interest and I did! Here is a 13 second clip of Sir Rick (not to be confused with Slick Rick). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoXhoZjkUVY

So, first and foremost, far be it for me to disagree with a guy who has enjoyed the success Sir Richard has enjoyed. In fact, I kind of agree with him. Faking it til you make it makes sense when you are in an “attack the learning curve” frame of mind and not, I repeat, not auditioning for the role of trauma surgeon, pilot, astronaut, explosives specialist and any other gig that you can think of that places human life at risk. The old fake it til you make it approach has a greater chance of panning out if you are kind of faking the role of entry level sales associate, data entry assistant or a client services coordinator.

All joking aside, there is a greater point that I think is important. The FITYMI strategy has it’s flaws.

If someone is going to FITYMI and then hope for the best, the likelihood of their succeeding is slim. Human beings are creatures of habit. We have the tendency to get excited and race out of the barn like a Kentucky Derby Champion but soon become the work horse out in the pasture just enjoying the day as time passes. The FITYMI followers want to be special but fall into the trap because they do not have enough in their tank to actually “make it”.

We beat ourselves up because we are not the next Roger Federer, Oprah Winfrey, J.K. Rowling, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Ellen DeGeneres or Lionel Ritchie! Sure they are all successful but its not like the clouds opened up when they were born and some higher power declared them destined for greatness (Lionel Ritchie is the exception!).  Somewhere along the way,  they woke up believing that it was time to change their approach to how they pursued success. They had to get beyond the definition of success and focus on redefining their pathway to success.  They had to turn their gaze from the trophy and focus on the trials and tribulations that one must endure to get to the trophy. They focused on the work with a steely eyed focus on doing what it took to win.

I love the conversation between Susan Sarandon and Kevin Costner in the movie “Bull Durham”.  Sarandon plays Annie Savoy and Costner plays Crash Davis.

Annie: ...so you see in a former lifetime I’m sure I was Alexandria, the Czarette of Russia. What do you think?

Crash: How come in former lifetimes everybody was someone famous? How come nobody ever says they were Joe Shmo?

Nobody wants to be Joe or Jill Shmo but the majority of us are because we become competent fakers. We tap out on the journey to be genuine. We tap out on the opportunity to be great.

Like an athlete building muscle memory, when we consistently opt for the “fake it til ya make it” approach you will soon get used to faking it! Before you know it…the faking becomes your end goal. Your original destination was the express lane but some how you got stuck in the collector lane and you are comfortable there.

I played professional football. Now, before the trumpets resound and the crowds cheers, it was the Canadian Football League and I made $33,000 before taxes my rookie year. This after being drafted 9th overall! In college I was able to fake it. I had no idea what defense the opponent played. I had no idea about their tendencies or what they were trying to accomplish. I was getting away with being the better athlete.

That changed when I was drafted by Saskatchewan. When my name was called, I walked up on stage to meet General Manager Bill Baker better known as The Undertaker.  As we shook hands he said, “Welcome to the Saskatchewan Roughriders, you are now a free safety!”. “I am a free safety!”.

I just played 3 years of college football and without wanting to brag, I had built a pretty good resume. I was a 2x All-Canadian, conference all star, conference MVP, conference Rookie of the Year etc. I was a pretty good receiver! Yet, they drafted Jeff Fairholm (U. of Arizona) 2nd overall. So, I am now a free safety. I could have faked it in training camp and returned to school but I was done with university life and quite frankly, I  think the university may have been done with me as well!

I wanted to play pro football so badly that faking it was not an option. I had to go into attack mode! By avoiding the trap of faking it I was able to learn and in turn compete at a smarter and faster level. Eventually, I was traded to the Ottawa Rough Riders and shifted back to receiver. Talk about looking at the game from a completely different perspective. Everything made sense. I understood the chess game within the game.

So, faking it is an option but it only bears value when it is a transitory step toward a greater destination.

FITYMI only works if you are intent on getting out of the faking it lane as fast as you can. It works only if it is a layover between where you were and your next destination. No one wants to spend time at Newark International Airport, Kennedy or LaGuardia! They are hubs that lead to greater adventures.

So, how do we avoid the fake it til you make it trap?

What does it mean to you? We are all going to spend our time doing something. We look with envy at those around us who seem to be doing what they actually want to do. Who knows if they actually are? They may be full of crap, living the pretend Facebook perfect life. Who knows? I do know that if what you choose to do means something to you, you are more apt to go the extra mile. The art of developing your expertise and the energy that surrounds that effort transcends any need to fake it. The will to dig in is genuine. If you are invested you are a sponge. If you are a fence sitter you are a stone.

Game plan. Have a clear and concise exit strategy. Have a game plan that features hard and fast deadlines that will force you to get to the next level. Put some pressure on yourself to compete. Don’t get comfortable. Set incremental goals and don’t waver from them. If you are close to satisfying them then great. You have the option to give yourself some extra time. If you are nowhere near the neighborhood of satisfying the goals then you may want to ask yourself the “is this really for me?” question.

Be realistic. Set goals that you can reach. Expertise does not come in one fell swoop, its incremental and modular in nature. I remember back in grade 3 when I convinced my parents to buy me a geometry set. I vowed I would use every item in the case. I would use both of the set squares, I would protract with the 180° protractor, I would rule the class with the 15 cm ruler, I would never get lost thanks to the metal compass, and so on with the 9 cm pencil, pencil sharpener, eraser and the 10 mm stencil. As expected, I did not use all of them…in fact I barely used any of them. (of note, I had to Google all the items found in a protractor set!)

Find another fake it til you make it adventure: If the suit doesn’t fit then don’t wear the suit. Find something that fits or comes closer to fitting. There is nothing wrong with moving from one challenge that may not fit you to another that may fit you. Life offers very few absolutes. Finding what is worth your time is an imperfect science.

Faking it until you make it should be a very uncomfortable comfort zone experience. At the end of the day, the goal is to create your own right time and right place.

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Ken Evraire is an award-winning leadership coach and team builder, a talent specialist with Cistel Technology in Ottawa, Canada and is a former professional athlete. 

To contact Ken email him at ken@kenevraire.com.

To learn more about Ken, visit his website www.kenevraire.com or visit him on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kenevrairedotcom/ or on twitter https://twitter.com/kevraire17

 

 

Run Naked

 

When everything seems chaotic and confusing in my life I love to run naked!

I admit it get’s tougher thanks to the 5 knee surgeries and other football related injuries that have slowed me down but when I get a chance to run naked…I do so without hesitation. 

When I say run naked, I mean it figuratively! 

I didn’t realize I actually loved running naked until I began training for my first marathon back in 2004! 

As sports director for the local TV station, I was afforded many great opportunities including running a marathon as a member of the Team Diabetes project.  My mom was diagnosed with diabetes and I thought it would be a great opportunity to honor her.

Mid-week training sessions were fairly predictable and social thanks to running with groups of like minded people.

However, the Sunday long run training session was often done solo! They are called 10 and 1’s.  You jog for 10 minutes then walk/stretch for 1.  I loved this approach because it gave me a chance to take advantage of the new found pliability I enjoyed once my body was warmed up. The run would cover a distance between 15-20 km.

Listening to music made the run manageable.  I could tune out listening to The Doobie Brothers, the Downchild Blues Band, a New Jack Swing mix, Earth Wind and Fire and others. 

I intentionally stayed away from Enya and Celine Dion for fear of breaking down into an emotional mess 2km in! After each run I would limp away, sore and hating the experience.

Truth is, I was not getting anything out of it. 

I hated the military precision like preparation that went into each run. 

Along with my ipod, I would wear a hydration belt with 4 containers for Gatorade and a pocket for my Advil.  I lathered on the sunscreen, always wore a hat and sunglasses and kept time thanks to my Timex Ironman watch. 

Looking back I have to admit I am surprised that I didn’t bring road flares! I did everything I could to survive the run rather than embrace and enjoy it. 

The funny thing with 10 and 1 long run training sessions is something always seemed to go wrong and it always caught me off guard. 

I would run out of Gatorade. I would forget to check the weather forecast. I would manage to wear the wrong running shoes and just go ahead anyway.  I would forget to take my Advil an hour in advance of the run. The worst would be my ipod dying!

Of course, it usually occurred early in the run and I would be pissed off and have to mentally wrestle my way through the workout. 

You would think I would know better what with my being a former professional athlete. That truth really pissed me off! Throw in the jealousy when I saw every runner out there seemingly finding their zone and being locked into their experience and I was not a happy camper.  

After mentally kicking my own ass and blaming the world,  I had to reframe the entire mission.  

Truth is I had far too many things to do before I even left the house for the run.

I had to go naked! Good bye ipod. Good bye last minute preparations. It reminded me of the first 2 years of my professional football career. I was so worried about what could go wrong. I was driven by imminent failure rather than the confidence that comes with problem solving on the go and minimizing the burden we bare. 

Running naked meant the world surrounded me.

The world embraced me and better yet, I was able to really listen to what my body and mind was trying to tell me. It was connecting to what the purpose of my run would be that morning. It wasn’t always the same purpose but it was of always of value. 

The first thing I noticed when I ran naked was just how energizing the external noise was.  I was distracted in a great way. I had left my Maxwell Smart Cone of Silence realm and now had to listen to everything.  It’s amazing how much noise surrounds you when you think about it.  By sorting out the noise I could slow things down.

I spent so much time trying to minimize the experience and getting it over with that I missed out on the real beauty of the experience.

All of the fears that I carried with me…fears that seemed so unpredictable were no longer part of the equation. I was able to create a controlled environment or at least minimize the number of factors and juggle them.

 By doing so I learned that I would release happy hormones which made the run an even better experience. Serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins are famously happy hormones that promote positive feelings like pleasure, happiness, and even love.

A wonderful sense of clarity came to be. That is what running naked did for me. 

I discovered a symbiotic relationship between my mind, heart, surgically reconstructed knee, old tendon and muscle injuries that created imbalance and tightness!

I would listen to my breathing pattern than take steps to control the pattern. 

Once I was in my lane physically, I could then turn my attention to sorting out all of life’s luggage that I brought with me on the run. 

I am coming up with new presentation ideas.  I am plotting new solutions that were nowhere near my thought process 35 minutes earlier.  I am becoming a better parent, entrepreneur, a better everything all because I chose to run naked. 

So how does this apply to my work as a coaching + leadership consultant and team culture expert? 

I learned not to be afraid to face the noise.  By attacking the noise and the traffic, you can work your way to a clear express lane that offers new opportunities. 

Your problems are never bigger than your purpose but you can never fulfill your purpose if you do not stare down your problems. 

Now, this doesn’t mean you need to take up running. There are a number of different ways for you to “go naked”.  Once you figure out how to go naked, the real work can begin!

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Ken Evraire is the owner | principal of TECTONIC TLC Team Lead Coach.

He is a quintessential team player who loves coaching, team building and talking leadership!  He is grateful for the opportunity to work with a roster of fantastic clients ranging from the government sector, not for profit agencies, start ups, Fortune 500 companies and elite sports teams.

He is father to 3 precocious children, has the best ex-wife in the world, is a former professional football player that has since donated his brain. He has run 3x marathons (Honolulu 2x + Barcelona), done stand up comedy and believes the old school coach was wrong…there is indeed an “i” in Team! 

Check Ken out on the following social media pages…

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/ken-evraire-leadership/

Twitter https://twitter.com/Tectonic_tlc

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tectonictlc

 

Theseus’ Paradox, Leadership and Team Building

How do you convince someone to follow you?

What traits would a leader need to have to convince others to follow him or her?

To answer the “how do I convince others to follow me?” question I can think of no better way to find the answer than to  explore a thought experiment featuring the ship of Theseus.  

To adequately capture the spirit of this explanation we must go back in time to my days at Laurier University circa 1986, for a little Philosophy 101 debate!

Professor Rocky Jacobsen stared out at a room full of first year freshmen, similar to the way Donald Sutherland looked upon his class in the cult classic movie, Animal House.

Like the class in Animal House, most of us were a little hungover at best.  A Friday morning Philosophy 101 session was considered a bird class.  The only real challenge was the actual waking up and getting to class part of the deal.  If you can get to class you are pretty well guaranteed a passing grade.

Okay, so Theseus or to be precise the Theseus Paradox was introduced to induce debate.  Rocky was a big fan of having the class pro-actively defend their positions and Theseus triggered plenty of debate.  Truth is, it was all part of his wanting us to discover our freshmen voice and to take a position knowing a series of contrasting views made for a valuable educational experience.  

Theseus Paradox 101

Theseus is remembered in Greek mythology as the slayer of the Minotaur.  For years, the Athenians had been sending sacrifices to be given to the Minotaur, a half-man, half-bull beast who inhabited the labyrinth of Knossos.  One year, Theseus braved the labyrinth, and killed the Minotaur.  The ship in which he returned was long preserved.  As parts of the ship needed repair, it was rebuilt plank by plank.

Here comes the paradox. 

Rocky asked the following question…”If Theseus sails his ship from port A to port B and every piece of the ship had been replaced by an identical piece, is it the same ship?”.

Well, the classroom lit up and the healthy debate began.  Is it the same ship? Yes?  No?  Maybe so?  Why? Why not?  How does one define “same”?

Rocky played the role of traffic cop in the middle of a jammed roundabout as the battle of undergraduate minds took place. The room was immediately charged with energy!

Some built an argument around physics and how no two items are exactly the same hence it was not the same ship.  

Some argued that one ship left port A and one ship arrived at port B making it one ship. 

I watched the energy rise from the periphery.  In part because I really had nothing to contribute as it relates to the debate. 

Yet, among the cacophony of voices I realized two things. 

One…Rocky was a genius.  He captured the hearts and minds of an entire class with one question.  For the first time in the fall term, I was learning something of value and thought provoking in university. 

Second, and far more important, I realized I looked at the entire argument from a completely different perspective.  It was likely connected to my football experience and needing to know the coach had a well thought out, prepared plan set up to help us succeed.  He was calling plays but it was me getting hit by the heat seeking missiles on the field. 

From my perspective, forget the ship!  The key is the captain.  The key is Theseus. 

The mission in itself was life threatening to say the least. The mission message would magnify or minimize the associated fear. 

“Lads, listen up. Can I have your attention?   So, we are going to set sail and before we hit land, I want us to replace every piece of the ship.  The journey is perilous and we could sink and die a brutal death but I think we can do it! Are you with me?  Yes or no?”

Wow, what type of pregame speech did he have in his treasure chest to convince his crew to sign on for this adventure?  How prepared would he have to be when asked the inevitable what, when, where, who, why and how questions?

How did Theseus get his team to buy in?   There had to have been a history of trust, transparency, communication and collaboration for everyone to buy in.  There had to have been a record of success forged from previous challenging situations within the group.  Maybe a handful didn’t care about the message. They just needed the gig to get paid some much needed silver.

When Theseus introduces the mission I am assuming there would have been a split audience. 

Let’s assume for argument’s sake that he has 30 sailors.   

Cast of 30

Say 12 sailors sign up, no questions asked.  They have been through many harrowing experiences and Theseus has not let them down. 

Then there are 11 who need some more information.  “Okay, I am kind of digging your idea but I need more info?”.  They need to know the what, when, where, who and why associated with the mission.  Eventually, they are all convinced to travel the 7 seas with Theseus. 

There are 8 left and 5 of them need some more convincing. Not from Theseus but from the senior sailors. The more experienced sailors. Once they are convinced, Theseus now has 27 of his original team of 30 sailors on board. The remaining 3 opt to stay in the tavern and nurse their beer! 

Does Theseus leave port down 3 sailors? Of course not. The word is out that Theseus is hiring, he is a great captain, his senior sailors believe in him and the mission and there is no way all of those experienced sailors would take on a doomed mission. So, there are 12 sailors hoping to get on board to make some shekels and to experience the leadership of Theseus.

 

Leadership rests upon 4 elements.

Connect, Communicate, Collaborate, Compete to Conquer 

 

Connect is the first step in the process because it allows you to set the tone in terms of how the relationship will begin and what direction it will take. First impressions are everything.  Getting off on the right foot is key.  Be authentic. 

Communicate is step number two.  Let’s lay our cards on the table and begin a dialogue.  We may not like everything we hear but we need to hear it so you can build a convincing strategy that will answer everyone’s questions. By communicating, everyone can get a real sense of investment.

Collaborate is an opportunity for the team to address and hopefully answer some questions that the captain does not have an answer for. 

This is the problem solving stage.  It the “I am okay with sailing with you but I think I can bring something to the plan that will help the entire group succeed.  Collaboration leads to consensus which is a pillar in team building.

Collaboration leads to the Compete phase.  A plan is in place. The plan is not etched in stone because there are unpredictable variables that are in play. What if it rains?  What if we get attacked by a pirate ship?  What if the crew suffers from scurvy?  The mission stays in place but the navigation and mapping is open to change. If you anticipate a journey that takes you on a straight line from point A to point B…you are kidding yourself. 

The process of communicating and collaborating will continue until the goal is reached. Like the sea…there will be many ebbs and flows within the journey.  It may mean going back to the drawing board and re-working the problems. It may mean creating a plan B, C or D.  Being married to a plan has been the Achilles heel for so many teams. Don’t let ego get in the way of evolution!  

Evolution is growth. Being married to a plan with no room for change represents red flags for the team.

Being married to the goal and be willing to work the plan is the key to any team’s success. 

Share the what, when, where, who and why and I may sail with you! 


Ken Evraire is a quintessential team player who loves coaching, team building and talking leadership!  He is grateful for the opportunity to work with a roster of fantastic clients ranging from the government sector, not for profit agencies, start ups, Fortune 500 companies and elite sports teams.

He is father to 3 precocious children, a former professional football player that has since donated his brain. He has run 3x marathons (Honolulu 2x + Barcelona), done stand up comedy and believes the old school coach was wrong…there is indeed an “i” in Team! 

Check Ken out on the following social media pages…

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/ken-evraire-leadership/

Twitter https://twitter.com/kevraire17   

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kenevrairedotcom/